The 21 Rules of this House (part 1)

In my last post, I introduced the book, "21 Rules" and reflected on the role that Rules have played in my life. I also outlined how the "21 Rules" will help implement my philosophy for raising my kids biblically. As I mentioned previously, the "21 Rules" does not include a list of scriptures. This QT will help fill that gap. Jade is very capable of memorizing already and so I want to make sure she memorizes a short scripture with each rule so that she understands that the rule comes from God and that she is obeying and pleasing God when she follows the rule. What a gift of amazing confidence I can give my kids for them to grow up with the assurance that they are pleasing their heavenly Father!

As I mentioned in the last post, the best thing to do is to start with the end in mind. What sort of household do I want to live in? What sort of world do I want for myself? For my kids? It all starts with my behavior and my example. It will take much prayer and a lot of help from other disciples to help me follow God's rules completely.

1. We obey our Lord Jesus Christ
This is the fundamental rule. All of these rules arise out of a relationship of wanting to please Jesus and to be like him in all we do. Rather than a set of rules, Christianity is a life arising out of a relationship with God!

• Joshua 24:15. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.
• Luke 6:46. Why do you call me, "Lord, Lord," and do not do what I say?
• John 14:15. If you love me, you will obey what I command.
• John 14:23. If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.
• Acts 2:36. Therefore let all Israel be assured of this: God has made this Jesus, whom you crucified, both Lord and Christ.
• Phil 2:9-11. Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
• 1 Peter 3:15. But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord.

The word "Lord" bears some consideration. That means Jesus is the boss (Lord) of my life. Everything I do is for him. Jesus earned this title of "Lord" in my life by humbling himself in becoming human and then giving his life blood for my sins on the cross.

Implicit in this arrangement is the concept that I honor Jesus in all I do or say. Consequently, I am very strict with my kids about what expletives they are allowed to use. The Bible's guidance is "You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name" (Exodus 20:7). Clearly off-limits are things like "Oh my God," "Jesus," and "Christ." "Jeez" is an obvious derivative of "Jesus." Beyond this, we arrive at matters of opinion. Growing up, my parents were also very strict and my conscience leads me in this direction. "Golly" and "Gosh" are also off-limits (see here and here as well). The expression "oh my gosh" is extremely common in American English today. My children will have to learn that they do not say those words, although others may choose to do so. Also on the "off" list are borderline swear words popular with teens that have obvious definitions or connections to worse words: frick, sheist (German S-word), and crap.

For most of my readers, I am certain this is the first time you have heard of this conviction about gosh and that you probably use the expression "oh my gosh" rather often. You may think I am being legalistic. But ask yourself a few questions. "What is in my heart that keeps me from wanting to remove this expression from my speech?" "What real value is this expression conveying to my listener? Why not just say 'Wow'?" Also, please consider that the Bible commands us to be holy (set apart) and our speech is one way in which we are called to be different than the world.

That said, I will certainly not judge anyone who decides to use the word "gosh." For me, I cannot in good conscience have my kids or myself saying these words while claiming that we are following the admonition of Col. 3:17. "And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."

2. We love, honor, and pray for one another

• John 14:34-35. A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.
• Romans 12:10. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.
• 1 John 4:11. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
• Romans 15:30. I urge you, brothers, by our Lord Jesus Christ and by the love of the Spirit, to join me in my struggle by praying to God for me.
• James 5:16. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.

3. We tell the truth

• Exodus 20:16. You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.
• Prov 14:25. A truthful witness saves lives, but a false witness is deceitful.
• Prov 16:13. Kings take pleasure in honest lips; they value a man who speaks the truth.
• Prov 19:9. A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who pours out lies will perish.
• Eph 4:25. Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.

4. We consider one another's interests ahead of our own

• Matt 7:12. So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you.
• Phil 2:3-4. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others
• 1 Cor 13:4-5. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

5. We speak quietly and respectfully with one another
Imagine a world in which all adults followed this rule all the time! Wow! I want that sort of world for my kids! I have so much room to grow in this one...

• Prov 16:24. Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
• Prov 13:3. He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin.
• Matt 7:12. So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you.
• Eph 4:29. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
• James 1:19. My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.
• 1 Peter 2:17. Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king.

6. We do not hurt one another with unkind words or deeds

• Prov 12:18. Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
• Prov 15:1. A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
• Matt 7:12. So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you.
• Eph 4:29. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
• Col 3:17. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

7. When someone needs correction, we correct him in love
This rule is for Dad & Mom. The kids need to understand that God is looking out for them by providing rules for their parents to follow! Eph 6:4 is particularly challenging to balance the discipline of a child and exasperating them, particularly when they are sick or missed a nap.

• Prov 16:21. The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction.
• Gal 6:1. Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently.
• Eph 4:15. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.
• Eph 6:4. Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
• Col 3:21. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.
• 2 Tim 2:24-25. And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth.
• Matt 7:3-5. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

8. When someone is sorry, we forgive him.
Imagine a world where every adult followed this one!

• Matt 6:23-24. Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.
• Matt 18:21-22. Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times."
• Eph 4:32. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

9. When someone is sad, we comfort him.

• Prov 12:18. Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
• Prov 12:25. An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.
• Proverbs 16:24. Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
• Romans 12:15. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.
• 1 Cor 12:26. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.
• 2 Cor 1:3-4. Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
• 1 Thes 5:11. Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
• Heb 3:13. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.

10. When someone is happy, we rejoice with him.

• 1 Cor 12:26. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.
• Romans 12:15. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.

11. When we have something nice to share, we share it.

• Matt 7:12. So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you.
• Luke 3:11. The man with two tunics should share with him who has none, and the one who has food should do the same.
• Acts 4:32. All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they shared everything they had.
• 2 Cor 9:6. Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.
• 1 Tim 6:18. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share.

12. When we have work to do, we do it without complaining.
This one will require constant attention and calling our kids back to the standard of the Bible. In fact, I have a lot of work to do to get rid of all the complaining in my life! The bottom line is that I hate complaining out of any mouth, including my own. It is discouraging and sucks the life out of the room.

• Phil 2:14. Do everything without complaining or arguing.

13. We take good care of everything God has given us.

• Gen 1:28. Then God blessed them and said, "Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it. Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground."
• Gen 39:8. "With me in charge," Joseph told her, "my master does not concern himself with anything in the house; everything he owns he has entrusted to my care."
• Matt 25:20. The man who had received the five talents brought the other five. "Master," he said, "you entrusted me with five talents. See, I have gained five more."
• Luke 16:11-12. So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches? And if you have not been trustworthy with someone else's property, who will give you property of your own?

More to come!