Finding peace in a world of uncertainty

On Tuesday at about 5pm, Casey read me an email from Miracle's social worker that caught us both by surprise. The birth mother requested regular visitation. A few minutes later, the social worker called and explained that the mother is starting to follow through on a portion of the social services required to regain custody of her children in the foster care system (Miracle and now Constance, born this past March).

Of course, we were both shocked and all sorts of scenarios played through our minds. We began praying and really haven't stopped. They are repetitive since the nagging thoughts are repetitive: "what if we can't keep Miracle?" That night I wept as I started to get emotionally in touch with the situation. Every moment with Miracle is now precious. I just want to hold her & cuddle with her, play with her, watch her smile, and simply delight in her. I was up with her at 12am, 1am, & 5:15am since she got sick last night and threw up her bottle several times. But it was relatively easy to be compassionate and giving because I was suddenly back in touch with how much I consider her to be a gift from God!

God has always used songs and hymns to reach my heart. They touch me in a unique way and help me express my emotions. Here are the words that caused me to weep Tues night:

I must tell Jesus all of my trials;
I cannot bear these burdens alone,
In my distress He kindly will help me,
He ever loves and cares for his own.

Chorus:
I must tell Jesus! I must tell Jesus!
I cannot bear my burdens alone;
I must tell Jesus! I must tell Jesus!
Jesus can help me, Jesus alone.

I must tell Jesus all of my troubles,
He is a kind, compassionate Friend;
If I but ask Him, He will deliver,
Makes of my troubles quickly an end.

The thing that is profound to me is that "I cannot bear my burdens alone." Jesus is there, available to help me carry them. God lost his Son once upon a time, but He gave Jesus up willingly just for me. God understands how I feel, more than I can really know.

Sometimes I wish Jesus were right here and I could curl up in his arms just like my daughters snuggle up and I hold them close.

Another song I have sung to Miracle the last 6 mths to help her get calm is:

I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord;
No tender voice like Thine can peace afford.

Chorus:
I need Thee, O I need Thee; every hour I need Thee!
O bless me now, my Savior--I come to Thee.

I need Thee every hour, stay Thou near by;
Temptations lose their power when thou art nigh.

I need Thee every hour, in joy or pain;
Come quickly, and abide, or life is vain.

I need Thee every hour, teach me Thy will,
And Thy rich promises in me fulfill.

This song reminds me how much I need to pray:

What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear;
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer!
Can we find a friend so faithful, who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer!

Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge, take it to the Lord in prayer!
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee? Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He'll take and shield thee, thou wilt find a solace there.

What does the Bible Say? (a lot :-)
Luke 12:25 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? No amount of worry, concern, or anxiety can lengthen the time I have with Miracle beyond what God decides is best.

Mt 6:25-34 is the single longest treatise the Bible gives us on the topic of worry. It encourages me not to waste our energy worrying about whether God will meet the basic needs of my life. Concerning myself with Kingdom priorities will put all these others in perspective. A brother helped me out last night and reminded me that when I worry, I am not at my best and in fact am probably not thinking clearly.

Luke 21:14
But make up your mind not to worry beforehand how you will defend yourselves. Jesus was preparing his disciples for the time when they would be brought to court because of their faith. It would be an opportunity to share their faith, yet their lives also hung in the balance. He tells them to make up their minds not to worry. I think I'm out of touch with what/how I worry. Since I view worrying as negative, my perception of myself is that I don't really worry much (how about that!). I don't think that's so correct anymore. My worrying is expressed in staying busy or thinking tactically/strategically about the future and finding ways to control or influence a situation.

So how can the Bible and God help me?

Psalm 94:19 When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul. I need to access the consolation God is trying to offer to me. I think this will involve turning off my racing mind and my agenda and meditating on how God is offering me peace.

Phil 4:4-9 is a banner scripture in many ways. It tells me to rejoice in the Lord in all circumstances. It reminds me that God and Jesus are near to me, and that should change how I view my life. It commands me not to be anxious about anything. I can exorcise the demons of anxiety through prayer, petition, and requests to God, who understand both my needs and my need to ask about my needs! This scripture describes the "peace that passes understanding," but it is only achieved through prayer. This peace can literally stand guard over my heart and mind to keep it from racing through the possibilities with Miracle. It can prevent me from over-indexing on every tidbit of news and information that comes from her social workers.

Lastly, this scripture tells me where to focus: on the good things that God put into this world. God wants me thinking about things that are true, good, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, or praiseworthy. God is a God of peace and promises to be with me all the way (Phil 4:9, Mt 28:20).

Peace. There are 247 scriptures in the NIV that mention this word. I don't think I'll get to all of them this morning :-). Phil 4 was probably a good enough start for now... the Hebrew word in "shalom" and part of the reason it is mentioned so often in the Bible is that it was a classic greeting among the Jews and therefore "shalom" shows up in many of the narratives. In addition, the Bible describes many battles and conflicts; for every rumor of war there is mention of peace, too.

Psalm 4:8 I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.
Psalm 29:11 The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace.
Psalm 85:10 Love and faithfulness meet together; righteousness and peace kiss each other.
Psalm 119:165 Great peace have they who love your law, and nothing can make them stumble.
Proverbs 14:30 A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.
Proverbs 17:1 Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife
e.
Isaiah 26:3 You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.
Isaiah 32:18 My people will live in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes, in undisturbed places of rest.
Isaiah 55:12 You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.
Luke 2:14 "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."
John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
John 16:33 "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
Romans 5:1 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,
Romans 8:6 The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace;
Romans 14:17 For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit,
Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
1 Pt 3:10-13. "Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil."

Why I can't help myself

Num 8:19 is interesting. "Of all the Israelites, I have given the Levites as gifts to Aaron and his sons to do the work at the Tent of Meeting on behalf of the Israelites and to make atonement for them so that no plague will strike the Israelites when they go near the sanctuary." The Levites were doing work on behalf of the Israelites. It was work ordinary folks could not do for themselves. It makes me think of Jesus and his work of atonement and advocacy on the behalf of humanity. We simply can't save ourselves. Two months ago my daughter Miracle was crawling and pulling herself up on things. Occasionally, she'd get in a position where she couldn't get down without hurting herself (she had not yet learned to fall down gracefully). She'd begin to cry and cry until she got the help she needed. She simply could not physically save herself. Getting herself out of the predicament was exactly the thing she did not want to risk as she knew she might hurt herself. Spiritually speaking, I am just as helpless as little Miracle. I cannot save myself. However, I have many options to deal with the problem of sin in my life.

1. Enjoy sinning as much as I can since "today we eat and tomorrow we die" (1 Cor 15:32).
2. Work as hard as possible to be a good moral person in hopes that it will be enough. For example, eliminate all the sins that I know that I'm committing.
3. Do as much good in the world in hopes that it will be enough cancel the sinful things I've done, e.g., serve the poor like Mother Theresa.
4. Adopt a belief framework that eliminates the possibilities of heaven and hell after death.
5. Adopt a belief framework that eliminates the possibility of absolute right and wrong.
6. Adopt a belief framework that eliminates the concepts of sin and wrongdoing.
7. Compare myself to others in the areas of my strong suits where the comparison is favorable.
8. Surround myself with people just like me so that I and my behavior become the social norm.
9. Deaden my conscience so I can do what I want without guilt.

The interesting thing about all these approaches is that none of them deal with the root cause of the issue. There are only two sets of possibilities:

• There is a God who created a universe with both physical laws (e.g., gravity) and spiritual laws. Breaking these laws have unavoidable consequences. God will hold everyone accountable exactly for what they have done (no more, no less) and there will not be any wiggle room.
• Any partial negation of the above that results in a different conclusion. For example, if there is no God, then it is impossible to have any universal accountability.

We cannot establish one possibility or the other beyond a shadow of a doubt. However, each person should note the following for him/herself:

• Based on observing plant and animal life and my ancestors before me, I should not expect to live forever.
• If I were to live forever, it would be because some external force gave me this gift, for I cannot provide myself with eternal life.
• My death is a certainty, but its timing is unknown.
• I have a conscience that tells me right from wrong.
• At some point, I have gone against what my conscience told me. In other words, even if all morality is relative, I have broken my own relative morality.
• The messages from my conscience have varied over time in terms of quality, type, & frequency.

Let's explore each of these points more deeply (I'm sure this will require more than one post!). I should not expect to live forever This is a self-evident point. Yet the vast majority of people operate on a daily basis as if life will continue indefinitely as it did last week. The major forward-looking thrust people have is typically financial. How will I pay for my kids college? How am I going to retire (now that the stock market went down 50%)? But considering how you'll die is considered to be morbid and unusual. Things that bring people to a deeper realization of the fact above include:

• Death of a friend, family member, or even reading about a news story.
• Significant illness or disease that strikes someone at my age or younger.
• Noticing that you are aging: health issues, bifocals, looking in the mirror, what kids or others say, seeing the cultural & relational gap to younger people
• Nearly having an accident: driving, skiing, hiking, working on your house

Our natural inclination is to "get it" for a moment, but then to go back to our normal lives. Psalms 39:4-6 sums it up pretty well. "Show me, O LORD, my life's endand the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life. You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Each man's life is but a breath. Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro: He bustles about, but only in vain; he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it." I cannot source my own eternal life Advances in the 20th and 21st century have renewed people's hopes that they can live forever. This is not a new desire, however. We simply have to observe the pyramids that served as monolithic burial chambers for the dead kings of Egypt. Chinese kings possessed similar grandiosity and even had people buried alive with them! Nowadays people will pay millions to freeze their bodies with cryonics in hopes that future scientists could "resurrect" them and restore their body to full health. During college I became fascinated by a book entitled, "The Physics of Immorality." In it, the author went into extraordinary detail about how computers will become sufficiently powerful in the mid-21st century that they can fully simulate a human brain. If a computer simulated a person's brain, that person could effectively live forever. The author is acknowledged as a brilliant physicist and half the book were "proofs" that what he wrote was true. Very interesting tour of computer science and physics. Today in America, we try to live on through the lives and accomplishments of our children. There are plenty of stories of parents getting out of control at their kids' sports games. In Eastern cultures, parents strictly discipline their children's intellectual development in school and music. Some would say that the kids are not allowed to be kids. In contrast, some families place an extraordinarily important role on the children since they provide purpose and an outlet for creativity and generosity. Family events and schedules naturally tend to revolve around the children, both because they are the weakest but also because the adults have a "need to be needed." In Luke 17:33, Jesus observes, "Whoever tries to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it." The concept is that if I keep running around trying to save my life and cling to the small amount of control I can exert over my life, I will completely miss the point. My life was meant to be given to a greater purpose that is beyond my little self or even my children's little selves. The victory literally lies in giving up what is seemingly the most valuable thing (my life), which opens a whole new realm of possibilities where I am no longer the limiting factor.

Work 4 (God's work in my life, Leviticus/Numbers)

(continuing my conversion story of how God worked in my life)

The counseling I had received the past 9 months ended in June. Ironically, I started to feel worse about my life. Due to my pride and the spiritual subculture in which I was participating, I was not open with anyone about how I really felt. Consequently, everyone continued to look to me as a leader and in September, the church ordained me as an “elder” at the ripe old age of 25.

The Connections group I helped create got on the radar of the Washington Conference, and they contacted me to participate on a committee to reach out to the young SDA adults in the Puget Sound. This turned out as another circumstance God used to save me! We didn’t know what to call this new group, so I emailed five or six people who fit the profile of those we wanted to reach, from those on the fringes of the SDA church to those who had left. I asked them for their input on what to call the group. Allison Tait made the list and actually provided the most useful and enthusiastic input of anyone (how about that, she was already a disciple!). In her response, she invited me to attend church.

I casually decided to take her up on the invitation (I didn’t appreciate how hard God had worked in my life to give me this opportunity!) I thought a change of scene might be good to help me connect with God rather than feeling so responsible and distracted as I set foot inside the church I was attending. I took the bus from UW to the Washington State Convention Center downtown for a 5pm Sunday service. I got there late, but asked the usher for Allison Tait, and he seated me on the third row from the front! The slick-looking minister dude (Scott Green) turned out NOT to be a tele-evangelist and I ended up taking notes from his meaty sermon as best I could on a scrap of paper. The people were the most friendly folks I’d ever met and I wished that my church was this friendly to visitors. While I wasn’t so sure how well-founded their zealous faith was in the Bible, I admired and desired a sincere and enthusiastic relationship with God like they had. And the rest is history, as they say. I studied the Bible with Alex Whitaker, Ben Sanders, and Johnny Grady and I was baptized into Christ about three months later on Dec. 15, 1999.

Back to the “work” scriptures…

Work scriptures in Leviticus are basically a repeat of Exodus. One observation is that the Jews had a ton of festivals where work was not allowed. On those days, however, they would typically bring an offering as an act of worship to God. This offering was only possible if they actually worked when they were supposed to! God does want us to work, and feels honored by our sacrifices to him. When I’m giving my contribution, I want to think more holistically about what was involved in generating that X% of income and how I am dedicating those hours to God through this act of worship.

The other interesting aspect is that these days of no work also involved a “sacred assembly.” Certainly church service on a weekend is a sacred assembly (if we treat it as such) and we take up our offering to God. I actually love “assemblies” and have very fond memories of my UW campus days where disciples got together in groups nearly every day. My work at Microsoft can involve many meetings, often involving more than five people. This constitutes an assembly, but one could never call it “sacred.” Scott Payne recently told me about his workplace in South Carolina where they literally have meal prayers and prayers before meetings begin at his workplace. Unbelievable from a Seattle perspective! He found that very refreshing… it would be awesome to participate in a company where everyone has both business and spiritual values in common!

Numbers 3-4: describes the work of the Levites in connection with the Tabernacle. There were a broad variety of responsibilities ranging from the burly dudes literally carrying the enter Tabernacle through the desert to the singers to those keeping things clean. God honors all these types of work. The Levites were counted and highly organized, not unlike what is going on at the new Westside SCOC building committee!

Numbers 7-8: a few scriptures illustrate how the Levites were equipped properly to do their work. At Microsoft, my equipment is basically a laptop and a few webcams. What they really pay me for is creativity, leadership, insight, experience, communication abilities, and good decisions. These are all gifts from God. 2 Tim 3:16 describes how the Bible will equip us for every good work. A good thought to meditate on today—how does God want to equip me spiritually?