This weekend I visited Miracle at her birthmom’s. Not surprisingly, she wanted me to pick her up and not put her down for a good 5-10 minutes. For me, 60 minutes would not have been too long. I just wanted to cuddle with her and love up on her and be close. Her mom offered to let us bring her home Sunday night, so we got 18 hours of normality before she had to go back.
Holding Miracle close somehow made me think about when I would have to give her back. It was harder and different this time. I am reminded of Hosea 11:8-9, “How can I give you up, Ephraim? How can I hand you over, Israel? … My heart is changed within me, all my compassion is aroused.” I never expected there would be such emotion in my heart as we return her each time and it really got me thinking.
Is this how God feels when we have an up-and-down relationship with him? How does God feel when the Prodigal Son plays out multiple times in a devastating cycle? Someone gets baptized, falls away, gets restored, then struggles again. How is God feeling at that point? In a cruel, self-interested sense, it sometimes feels like it would be easier to simply cut all ties with Miracle. But when I’m with her, I just love it. It just feels right for me to be her daddy, if only for a few moments. I wonder if that’s how God feels with his wayward children. I don’t really know, but I think it’s at least as difficult for him.
Last night I talked to someone with whom I have attended church for over 10 years. He had decided that he just couldn’t keep going and was going to give up on his relationship with God and the church. In our conversation, I ran through the full gambit of reasons he should stay faithful. I applied all the emotional leverage I could, not to manipulate him, but because a) I think Jesus would do at least that, having already died for my friend and b) I would want someone to do that for me in the hopes of bringing me to my senses. Ultimately, the decision is his and he must own the consequences.
Free will is a funny thing. We discussed it at length in philosophy class when talking about the problem of evil and why a good, all-powerful God could allow suffering. In my experience, such discussions never include the emotional side of the conversation. So I have to wonder: how does God experience the good and bad choices in my life? How was he able to stand by while I hurt him so badly and made so many mistakes, and yet engage emotionally 100% as soon as I was ready to restart my relationship with him 11 years ago this fall? How is God able to stand watching me sin and hurt his other children with my sin and learn things the hard way, even though I have his Word and should know better?
I don’t really know for sure. But as I already mentioned, the precious moments of closeness with his children can sustain a father for a very long time. 1 Peter 4:8 rings true for me here: “love covers over a multitude of sins.”
I’m lucky right now. There is no sin separating Miracle and me, simply circumstances. The absence of sin helps me understand the real priority: it’s simply all about the relationship. Adding sin into the equation complicates things and creates more barriers, but ultimately God simply wants an unhindered continuous relationship with me and everyone else on the planet, just like I want the same with Miracle.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Losing a child
When I was 21, my aunt & uncle lost their 25-year-old son after an 18-month battle with cancer. He was in the prime time of his life and had already been married for 2-3 years. I tried to understand what they were going through, but I knew I really couldn't. Prov. 14:10 states, "Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy."
In October 2008, my pregnant sister called me up one morning crying. She explained that baby Rainier had died inside of her. My brain immediately went numb and into a fog. I had two kids of my own by that point and I couldn't believe that such a terrible thing was happening to my very own sister. All I could do was weep for her and Brandon. Their wound is also very deep. The passing of two years and the arrival of baby Sequoia has only slightly dulled the edge of the pain.
No one expects to lose their child. In both of these cases, they were first-born sons. You go through life expecting to grow old and have your children take care of you and be buried by them. No one prepares themselves emotionally to lose a child.
Now I too am joining this grievous, terrible club. Yet in a sense, I am not a full member. Miracle is returning to her birth family on October 4, but we have every indication & promise that we will get to see her 1-2 days/week for the foreseeable future. I am reminded of 1 Cor 7:29-31, which says "From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away." Did Paul intend this passage to apply directly to my situation? I doubt it. But to have something "yet have it not" feels very apt. What does it mean to share my daughter with another mother, father, family?
Divorcees experience such quandries when children are involved, especially when their former spouse remarries. How do you embrace the other parents of your children? We are fortunate that Miracle is so young and I do not have to explain any of the why's behind this complex situation.
Losing children is actually a common theme in the Bible. Adam and Eve had to bury their son Abel, the first person to be murdered as a consequence of their disobedient, sinful choice in the Garden of Eden. It was a double loss, for they also effectively lost their son Cain (the murderer) who was naturally estranged from them by his terrible deed. To add to it all, they lived for centuries with this guilt and loss.
In one of the most challenging passages of scripture (Genesis 22), God called Abraham to offer his long-awaited son Isaac as a sacrifice. This request absolutely fails human logic. By appealing to faith, Heb. 11:17-19 offers a passable explanation. "By faith Abraham, when God tested him, offered Isaac as a sacrifice. He who had received the promises was about to sacrifice his one and only son, even though God had said to him, 'It is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned.' Abraham reasoned that God could raise the dead, and figuratively speaking, he did receive Isaac back from death."
Another wrenching account of losing a child occurs when Jacob's favoritism and Joseph's bragging lead his brothers to sell him into slavery. To avoid any consequences, they grab a play out of their dad's playbook and deceive him into thinking a wild animal ate him. Gen 37:34-35 describes Jacob's reaction. "Then Jacob tore his clothes, put on sackcloth and mourned for his son many days. All his sons and daughters came to comfort him, but he refused to be comforted. 'No,' he said, 'in mourning will I go down to the grave to my son.' So his father wept for him." Anyone who has lost a child can identify with the feeling that this grief and mourning is so great that it will never end.
In Judges 11:30-31, Jephthah makes the foolish vow to sacrifice to God the first living thing that came out of his home to greet him, if only God will help him win the battle. Sadly, his only child, a daughter, comes out first. God had established in Numbers 30 how to handle vows. Husbands or fathers could actually nullify the foolish vows of young women or their wives. However, verse 30:2 states, "When a man makes a vow to the LORD or takes an oath to obligate himself by a pledge, he must not break his word but must do everything he said." After his daughter went through a period of mourning with her friends, Jephthah followed through on his rash vow to the LORD.
In 1 Sam 4:17-18, when the high priest Eli hears that his sons are dead and the ark of the LORD has been captured by the Philistines, he falls off his chair and dies from a broken neck.
David lost two children. In 2 Sam 11-12, he gets Bathsheba pregnant and murders her husband to hide his guilt. David appears to pull off the deceitful deed. Bathsheba mourns an appropriate length of time and then David takes her as his wife and she bears him a son. God then sends Nathan to David to rebuke him for his sin and deliver the LORD's consequence: the child will die.
As soon as Nathan leaves, the child gets sick and David fasts and prays and sleeps on the ground, all as a last-ditch appeal to God. Seven days later, the child dies and the servants are afraid to let David know what happened. But after David confirms the child's death, he cleans himself up and eats some food. This is the exact opposite of Jewish mourning protocol, which involved heavy crying after a loved one's death. David explained in 2 Sam 12:22-23, "While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, 'Who knows? The LORD may be gracious to me and let the child live.' But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me."
I feel very similar to David in this situation. Like David I have wept, mourned, and pleaded with God to enable us to adopt Miracle. However, the very opposite has happened, yet I am at peace with God's decision. For one thing, I could not bear any longer the burdensome ambiguity of "she might go back but she might stay with us." Our family needed definition for the situation. Second, (I think) I am surrendered to God on this matter, but only for the present situation. If and when we no longer get to see Miracle 1-2 days per week, I know I will enter yet another grief cycle and then God will grant me the grace to adjust to that as well. It also helps that I am not (yet) experiencing a complete, total, irrevokable loss, unlike my family members above.
Years later, David lost another son to death (Absalom). The reality is that David had lost Absalom's heart much earlier. For some reason, David did a very poor parenting job with most of his children. For example, 1 Kings 1:6 explains why David's son Adonijah rebelled: "His father had never interfered with him by asking, 'Why do you behave as you do?'" The lone exception to this pattern of poor parenting appears to be Solomon, the second son of Bathsheba, as indicated in Prov. 4:3-4.
The story is that Absalom murdered one of his half-brothers and was sent away from the court. After awhile, he was restored and David welcomed him back. At this point, Absalom went out and "stole the hearts of Israel." After several years, he garnered sufficient political support and crowned himself king. David and his household fled eastward to the Jordan River. During the big battle that later ensued, Absalom was killed and the rebellion was ended. Rather than rejoicing at the recovery of his kingdom, David loudly mourns the loss of his son Absalom with all the vigor he can muster as a father. "O my son Absalom! My son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you—O Absalom, my son, my son!" (2 Sam 18:33). I think all parents who have lost children can identify with this feeling. Unfortunately, David was also the king and could not abandon those responsibilities. Instead of returning with celebration over the victory, the soldiers see his reaction and quietly reenter the city as if they had lost the battle. Joab wisely advises David to pull it together sufficiently so that he can congratulate his men and avoid losing his kingdom a second time.
This blog will grow far too long if we cover all the Biblical episodes of loss in such depth, so I will but mention the following bullet points.
2 Kings 4: the Shunammite woman receives a son as a gift from God, but then he dies from heat stroke. In desperation she drags Elisha to his room, and Elisha raises him back to life through the power of God.
Job 1: Job loses all his children in a single day when Satan strikes their house with a tornado.
Ezek 24:15-27: Ezekiel loses his wife ("the delight of your eyes") and God uses it as an object lesson for the stubborn Israelites.
Many of Jesus' greatest miracles occurred when parents begged him to heal a child on the brink of death, or who had already died. Some of the greatest boldness toward Jesus was demonstrated by parents desperate for their children to be healed.
Matt 15:21-28. Jesus heals the Canaanite woman's daughter after some verbal reparte.
Mark 5:21-43. Jesus raises a synagogue ruler's daughter from the dead.
Mark 9:14-29. Jesus heals a demon-possessed boy after the famous line from his father, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"
Luke 7:11-17. Jesus raises a widow's son back to life.
John 4:43-54. Jesus heals the son of a royal official, who begged him, "Come down before my child dies."
Lastly, while reflecting on Miracle's return to her birth family, I rediscovered a spiritual parallel that I have found extremely meaningful and comforting: God knows what it is like to lose a child, too. In America, it is so easy to take the story of Jesus for granted. But please reconsider with me what it was like for God to give up his only son.
From John 1:1-3, we understand that Jesus was with his Father from the very beginning. “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.” Their relationship was so intimate that Jesus is considered the spoken expression, the very essence of God. As the only begotten son (John 3:16), Jesus was of the species “God” (Phil 2:6). Jesus is everything we could possibly ever know about God as projected into our dimensions of time and space.
I think of my own relationship with my physical father. While I share many physical, intellectual, and behavioral characteristics, we are distinct and different. I have never been mistaken for my dad, except by my grandmother in the last stages of her life. People who know us both can see a strong resemblance in some ways, but it doesn’t take long to find some differences. Jesus’ relationship with his Father was different. The two were so close, so unified, that they were truly indistinguishable. As Jesus told Philip in John 14:9-12, “Don’t you know me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say ‘Show us the Father?’ Don’t you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me? The words I say to you are not just my own. Rather, it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his work. Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me, or at least believe on the evidence of the miracles themselves.”
My life has a very different trajectory and purpose than my father’s. I have spent my life pursuing my own interests and dreams. Yet Jesus lived his entire human existence to point humanity back to his Father God. Consider the level of intimate understanding between the two of them. To properly represent someone, you must know how they think and react to most minute detail. Developing this ability creates tremendous intimacy. It is therefore no wonder that at the end of Jesus’ life, the most excruciating aspect of his torture was because he had been so connected with God.
When God placed the sins of the world on his own Son, it separated them for the very first time. Some of Jesus’ last words were a quote of Psalm 22:1, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” In my relationship with Miracle, Casey has been doing all the drop-offs and pick-ups with her birthmom. I have been spared the tortuous experience of trying to hand Miracle off to another individual. Even after 20-30 minutes of adjustment with Casey in the room, Miracle will often cling to Casey and must be physically pried away. When Miracle sees Casey or me after a visitation, she shrieks in delight and runs to hug us with a brilliant smile and light in her eyes. After only 28 months of knowing one another, our bond is extremely tight. I can’t imagine what it was like for the Father and Jesus to be separated after having known one another for 15 billion years. My God knows what it’s like to be separated from a child and I find this identification very meaningful.
There is another mystery that I have pondered many times and will never quite understand fully. The purpose for God losing his child is summarized by these four scriptures.
John 3:16. “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son...”
1 John 4:9. “This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.”
Romans 5:6-8. “You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless [over our sin], Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Galatians 4:3-5. “So also, when we were children, we were in slavery under the basic principles of this world. But when the time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under law, to redeem those under law, that we might receive the full rights of sons.”
God’s love and generosity are far beyond mine. He loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son. It was not because we already loved God so much; God loved us first and most. In my heart, I am not filled with love and generosity for Miracle’s birthmom. We loved Miracle from the day we brought her home. Our love for her birthmom has been a very slow growth process. I am not willingly returning Miracle to her birthmom out of my love for her; it is a government order. God’s love had two objects: his Son and humanity. My love is primarily for Miracle, and secondarily (but growing) for her birthmom.
Second, God’s sacrifice of his Son was not for good people. It was for very stinky, slimy, disgusting sinful people. I might appear to be a reasonably good person on the outside, but when I sin, it is very ugly. It was for and at these very moments that Jesus died for me. Over the years, I have pondered how Jesus suffered and died to save a wide variety of folks who seemingly don't deserve it:
· The incoherent, obnoxious bum on the street who drank his life away
· Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot, and the like
· Shady business guys that steal from old people
· Child pornographers
I marvel at God’s amazing love. I have sincerely tried to imagine giving any of my children up in order to give the folks above a second chance. Even in my most generous moments, I could not possibly do what God did. I love my children so much more than any of these people and I could never sacrifice their life. As Romans 5 indicates, POSSIBLY for a good person, but that’s a big maybe.
There are two issues here. First, we all have an innate sense that none of the people above deserve such a sacrifice. The grace of Christianity goes against our very fundamental instincts. The reality is that none of us deserve heaven and the tremendous grace offered us through Jesus. This much I can get. The second issue is where my hangup lies: there is no guarantee that sacrificing my child would inspire the people above to repent and live a changed life. That’s what makes God’s love and grace so amazing. There were no strings attached when Jesus laid down his life for us. The outcome was completely uncertain. It’s entirely possible that no one would have responded, and heaven would have been essentially devoid of humanity. What a great loss for the Creator for the entire creation to do a “one and gone.” Yet I think God feels exactly that way about each individual who doesn't choose him.
It’s a good thing I am not God. No one would have had the chance to repent, for I am not that selfless, not that idealistic, not that generous, and not that willing to give such a gift without any strings attached. Thankfully, God is all that and more.
Rather than seeing our experience as losing a child, my prayer is that we can continue our relationship with Miracle, and that in fact we will gain a friendship with her birthmom. Hopefully someday I will gain her as a sister in Christ where we both understand how completely fortunate we are to stand in God’s grace after all we’ve done as sinners. At her baptism we will laugh, hug, cry, and laugh again at God's truly amazing and bold plan. To me, that is Romans 5:1-5 coming true in giving me real hope:
“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.”
In October 2008, my pregnant sister called me up one morning crying. She explained that baby Rainier had died inside of her. My brain immediately went numb and into a fog. I had two kids of my own by that point and I couldn't believe that such a terrible thing was happening to my very own sister. All I could do was weep for her and Brandon. Their wound is also very deep. The passing of two years and the arrival of baby Sequoia has only slightly dulled the edge of the pain.
No one expects to lose their child. In both of these cases, they were first-born sons. You go through life expecting to grow old and have your children take care of you and be buried by them. No one prepares themselves emotionally to lose a child.
Now I too am joining this grievous, terrible club. Yet in a sense, I am not a full member. Miracle is returning to her birth family on October 4, but we have every indication & promise that we will get to see her 1-2 days/week for the foreseeable future. I am reminded of 1 Cor 7:29-31, which says "From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away." Did Paul intend this passage to apply directly to my situation? I doubt it. But to have something "yet have it not" feels very apt. What does it mean to share my daughter with another mother, father, family?
Divorcees experience such quandries when children are involved, especially when their former spouse remarries. How do you embrace the other parents of your children? We are fortunate that Miracle is so young and I do not have to explain any of the why's behind this complex situation.
Losing children is actually a common theme in the Bible. Adam and Eve had to bury their son Abel, the first person to be murdered as a consequence of their disobedient, sinful choice in the Garden of Eden. It was a double loss, for they also effectively lost their son Cain (the murderer) who was naturally estranged from them by his terrible deed. To add to it all, they lived for centuries with this guilt and loss.
In one of the most challenging passages of scripture (Genesis 22), God called Abraham to offer his long-awaited son Isaac as a sacrifice. This request absolutely fails human logic. By appealing to faith, Heb. 11:17-19 offers a passable explanation. "By faith Abraham, when God tested him, offered Isaac as a sacrifice. He who had received the promises was about to sacrifice his one and only son, even though God had said to him, 'It is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned.' Abraham reasoned that God could raise the dead, and figuratively speaking, he did receive Isaac back from death."
Another wrenching account of losing a child occurs when Jacob's favoritism and Joseph's bragging lead his brothers to sell him into slavery. To avoid any consequences, they grab a play out of their dad's playbook and deceive him into thinking a wild animal ate him. Gen 37:34-35 describes Jacob's reaction. "Then Jacob tore his clothes, put on sackcloth and mourned for his son many days. All his sons and daughters came to comfort him, but he refused to be comforted. 'No,' he said, 'in mourning will I go down to the grave to my son.' So his father wept for him." Anyone who has lost a child can identify with the feeling that this grief and mourning is so great that it will never end.
In Judges 11:30-31, Jephthah makes the foolish vow to sacrifice to God the first living thing that came out of his home to greet him, if only God will help him win the battle. Sadly, his only child, a daughter, comes out first. God had established in Numbers 30 how to handle vows. Husbands or fathers could actually nullify the foolish vows of young women or their wives. However, verse 30:2 states, "When a man makes a vow to the LORD or takes an oath to obligate himself by a pledge, he must not break his word but must do everything he said." After his daughter went through a period of mourning with her friends, Jephthah followed through on his rash vow to the LORD.
In 1 Sam 4:17-18, when the high priest Eli hears that his sons are dead and the ark of the LORD has been captured by the Philistines, he falls off his chair and dies from a broken neck.
David lost two children. In 2 Sam 11-12, he gets Bathsheba pregnant and murders her husband to hide his guilt. David appears to pull off the deceitful deed. Bathsheba mourns an appropriate length of time and then David takes her as his wife and she bears him a son. God then sends Nathan to David to rebuke him for his sin and deliver the LORD's consequence: the child will die.
As soon as Nathan leaves, the child gets sick and David fasts and prays and sleeps on the ground, all as a last-ditch appeal to God. Seven days later, the child dies and the servants are afraid to let David know what happened. But after David confirms the child's death, he cleans himself up and eats some food. This is the exact opposite of Jewish mourning protocol, which involved heavy crying after a loved one's death. David explained in 2 Sam 12:22-23, "While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, 'Who knows? The LORD may be gracious to me and let the child live.' But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me."
I feel very similar to David in this situation. Like David I have wept, mourned, and pleaded with God to enable us to adopt Miracle. However, the very opposite has happened, yet I am at peace with God's decision. For one thing, I could not bear any longer the burdensome ambiguity of "she might go back but she might stay with us." Our family needed definition for the situation. Second, (I think) I am surrendered to God on this matter, but only for the present situation. If and when we no longer get to see Miracle 1-2 days per week, I know I will enter yet another grief cycle and then God will grant me the grace to adjust to that as well. It also helps that I am not (yet) experiencing a complete, total, irrevokable loss, unlike my family members above.
Years later, David lost another son to death (Absalom). The reality is that David had lost Absalom's heart much earlier. For some reason, David did a very poor parenting job with most of his children. For example, 1 Kings 1:6 explains why David's son Adonijah rebelled: "His father had never interfered with him by asking, 'Why do you behave as you do?'" The lone exception to this pattern of poor parenting appears to be Solomon, the second son of Bathsheba, as indicated in Prov. 4:3-4.
The story is that Absalom murdered one of his half-brothers and was sent away from the court. After awhile, he was restored and David welcomed him back. At this point, Absalom went out and "stole the hearts of Israel." After several years, he garnered sufficient political support and crowned himself king. David and his household fled eastward to the Jordan River. During the big battle that later ensued, Absalom was killed and the rebellion was ended. Rather than rejoicing at the recovery of his kingdom, David loudly mourns the loss of his son Absalom with all the vigor he can muster as a father. "O my son Absalom! My son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you—O Absalom, my son, my son!" (2 Sam 18:33). I think all parents who have lost children can identify with this feeling. Unfortunately, David was also the king and could not abandon those responsibilities. Instead of returning with celebration over the victory, the soldiers see his reaction and quietly reenter the city as if they had lost the battle. Joab wisely advises David to pull it together sufficiently so that he can congratulate his men and avoid losing his kingdom a second time.
This blog will grow far too long if we cover all the Biblical episodes of loss in such depth, so I will but mention the following bullet points.
2 Kings 4: the Shunammite woman receives a son as a gift from God, but then he dies from heat stroke. In desperation she drags Elisha to his room, and Elisha raises him back to life through the power of God.
Job 1: Job loses all his children in a single day when Satan strikes their house with a tornado.
Ezek 24:15-27: Ezekiel loses his wife ("the delight of your eyes") and God uses it as an object lesson for the stubborn Israelites.
Many of Jesus' greatest miracles occurred when parents begged him to heal a child on the brink of death, or who had already died. Some of the greatest boldness toward Jesus was demonstrated by parents desperate for their children to be healed.
Matt 15:21-28. Jesus heals the Canaanite woman's daughter after some verbal reparte.
Mark 5:21-43. Jesus raises a synagogue ruler's daughter from the dead.
Mark 9:14-29. Jesus heals a demon-possessed boy after the famous line from his father, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"
Luke 7:11-17. Jesus raises a widow's son back to life.
John 4:43-54. Jesus heals the son of a royal official, who begged him, "Come down before my child dies."
Lastly, while reflecting on Miracle's return to her birth family, I rediscovered a spiritual parallel that I have found extremely meaningful and comforting: God knows what it is like to lose a child, too. In America, it is so easy to take the story of Jesus for granted. But please reconsider with me what it was like for God to give up his only son.
From John 1:1-3, we understand that Jesus was with his Father from the very beginning. “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.” Their relationship was so intimate that Jesus is considered the spoken expression, the very essence of God. As the only begotten son (John 3:16), Jesus was of the species “God” (Phil 2:6). Jesus is everything we could possibly ever know about God as projected into our dimensions of time and space.
I think of my own relationship with my physical father. While I share many physical, intellectual, and behavioral characteristics, we are distinct and different. I have never been mistaken for my dad, except by my grandmother in the last stages of her life. People who know us both can see a strong resemblance in some ways, but it doesn’t take long to find some differences. Jesus’ relationship with his Father was different. The two were so close, so unified, that they were truly indistinguishable. As Jesus told Philip in John 14:9-12, “Don’t you know me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say ‘Show us the Father?’ Don’t you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me? The words I say to you are not just my own. Rather, it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his work. Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me, or at least believe on the evidence of the miracles themselves.”
My life has a very different trajectory and purpose than my father’s. I have spent my life pursuing my own interests and dreams. Yet Jesus lived his entire human existence to point humanity back to his Father God. Consider the level of intimate understanding between the two of them. To properly represent someone, you must know how they think and react to most minute detail. Developing this ability creates tremendous intimacy. It is therefore no wonder that at the end of Jesus’ life, the most excruciating aspect of his torture was because he had been so connected with God.
When God placed the sins of the world on his own Son, it separated them for the very first time. Some of Jesus’ last words were a quote of Psalm 22:1, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” In my relationship with Miracle, Casey has been doing all the drop-offs and pick-ups with her birthmom. I have been spared the tortuous experience of trying to hand Miracle off to another individual. Even after 20-30 minutes of adjustment with Casey in the room, Miracle will often cling to Casey and must be physically pried away. When Miracle sees Casey or me after a visitation, she shrieks in delight and runs to hug us with a brilliant smile and light in her eyes. After only 28 months of knowing one another, our bond is extremely tight. I can’t imagine what it was like for the Father and Jesus to be separated after having known one another for 15 billion years. My God knows what it’s like to be separated from a child and I find this identification very meaningful.
There is another mystery that I have pondered many times and will never quite understand fully. The purpose for God losing his child is summarized by these four scriptures.
God’s love and generosity are far beyond mine. He loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son. It was not because we already loved God so much; God loved us first and most. In my heart, I am not filled with love and generosity for Miracle’s birthmom. We loved Miracle from the day we brought her home. Our love for her birthmom has been a very slow growth process. I am not willingly returning Miracle to her birthmom out of my love for her; it is a government order. God’s love had two objects: his Son and humanity. My love is primarily for Miracle, and secondarily (but growing) for her birthmom.
Second, God’s sacrifice of his Son was not for good people. It was for very stinky, slimy, disgusting sinful people. I might appear to be a reasonably good person on the outside, but when I sin, it is very ugly. It was for and at these very moments that Jesus died for me. Over the years, I have pondered how Jesus suffered and died to save a wide variety of folks who seemingly don't deserve it:
· The incoherent, obnoxious bum on the street who drank his life away
· Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot, and the like
· Shady business guys that steal from old people
· Child pornographers
I marvel at God’s amazing love. I have sincerely tried to imagine giving any of my children up in order to give the folks above a second chance. Even in my most generous moments, I could not possibly do what God did. I love my children so much more than any of these people and I could never sacrifice their life. As Romans 5 indicates, POSSIBLY for a good person, but that’s a big maybe.
There are two issues here. First, we all have an innate sense that none of the people above deserve such a sacrifice. The grace of Christianity goes against our very fundamental instincts. The reality is that none of us deserve heaven and the tremendous grace offered us through Jesus. This much I can get. The second issue is where my hangup lies: there is no guarantee that sacrificing my child would inspire the people above to repent and live a changed life. That’s what makes God’s love and grace so amazing. There were no strings attached when Jesus laid down his life for us. The outcome was completely uncertain. It’s entirely possible that no one would have responded, and heaven would have been essentially devoid of humanity. What a great loss for the Creator for the entire creation to do a “one and gone.” Yet I think God feels exactly that way about each individual who doesn't choose him.
It’s a good thing I am not God. No one would have had the chance to repent, for I am not that selfless, not that idealistic, not that generous, and not that willing to give such a gift without any strings attached. Thankfully, God is all that and more.
Rather than seeing our experience as losing a child, my prayer is that we can continue our relationship with Miracle, and that in fact we will gain a friendship with her birthmom. Hopefully someday I will gain her as a sister in Christ where we both understand how completely fortunate we are to stand in God’s grace after all we’ve done as sinners. At her baptism we will laugh, hug, cry, and laugh again at God's truly amazing and bold plan. To me, that is Romans 5:1-5 coming true in giving me real hope:
“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.”
Monday, August 30, 2010
The Bible in 90 Days
When I was somewhere in the 9-10 year old range, I determined to read the King James Bible through. My parents had already bought me the really cool Bible with large green Jesus lettering and huge painted pictures every couple hundred pages. Not owning a TV and not being allowed to read comic books, It was the rich colorful pictures that drew me in. Somehow I slogged through the Bible. I have no idea how long it took or when I finished, but I’m pretty sure I did make it through without giving up.
In Jay Kelly’s 2006 New Year’s kickoff sermon, he shared his goal of reading the Bible in a year. Inspired by the idea, I chose a four-track reading program and off I went… for about eight months. I hit the major prophets and just couldn’t finish. Doing the same thing for my Quiet TIme every single day just didn’t work for me.
In 2007 I tried again, this time recording the NIV Bible onto my MP3 player to keep things interesting, to stay awake (at times :-), and so I would end up with my own copy of the NIV Bible on MP3. I managed to last five months that time.
At that point I decided to develop my own read-the-Bible-in-a-year plan. My biggest reading hangups were Leviticus, Psalms, and the major prophets. At the same time, I felt like reading the Bible sequentially (like so many attempt to do) is counterproductive because the Jews and early Christians did really only had access to individual books of the Bible. My goal then (and I continue to work at it) is to create a program where people can naturally and topically read the whole Bible in a year. Subgoals include covering the Psalms and Proverbs along the way with relevant bite-sized chunks (e.g., scriptures about lying & deceit for the story about Namaan & Gehazi’s leprosy).
in 2009, knowing my past history, I found a program from somewhere with an accelerated schedule (90 days) rather than a full year. This seemed to be a good fit for me… 366 days later I managed to finish the Bible on 1/2/2010.
Yesterday I finished reading the Bible in exactly 90 days. How is that possible, you ask? It all started when I took my family over to Spokane for Tim DeWolfe and JoLynne Rawson’s wedding on Saturday afternoon. We stayed the night and on Sunday, we went to the great Spokane Christian Church for service. Jermaine Peacock preached a lesson preparing the entire congregation of >100 disciples to read the Bible in 90 days. It turns out that an organization (www.BibleIn90Days.org) provides materials to churches who want to take on this challenge en masse. These materials include special Bibles with the readings marked along with reading & discussion guides for midweek! The key idea is that all of us read books, and all you have to do is 12-16 pages of the Bible each day. I was so inspired that I came home and determined that if Jermaine’s 10-year-old could do it, I could too.
Let me share some things I learned from this reading project. First, I believe that much of the power of this program is in the corporate experience. The truth is that I did not receive that experience this summer. I sent out a general invitation for others in the Seattle church to join me, and a couple brothers & sisters in the North Shore took it on. However, we only reconnected every 4-6 weeks to see where each other were at in the reading.
A couple times I got to fellowship with one brother about our reading and it was those experiences that were by far the most valuable. The Bible in 90 days is sort of like the P90x exercise program. It’s intense and you feel closely bonded with your workout partner. It’s something you really can’t do by yourself.
My dream is that the Westside sector could all successfully do this program sometime in the next 18 months. To be honest, I think many of us are spiritually flabby and the discipline required to complete this program could prove immensely beneficial. Life in Seattle has a way of destroying any regularity in our times with God. Reading the Bible in 90 days is impossible without some sort of strategic plan, which I fear many of us lack. I enjoyed my time in Spokane last May, partly because life simply seemed less frantic and more measured. I’m fortunate in that my 60-minute bus ride each morning grants me a built-in block for my Quiet Time. But even if I lived next door to my work, I’d find a way to get some good time with God each day. If the Westside read the Bible like the disciples did on the original 1989 Seattle mission team, I think we would find our fellowship tremendously enriched and our fruitfulness would explode!
So what did I learn about the BIBLE during this experience? First of all, I learned that listening to the Bible is an essential aspect of experiencing it. I don’t think I would have made it through in 90 days if I hadn’t listened to the books of Isaiah and Jeremiah while biking to work. Hearing the word of God is different than reading it. In the first century, only a few people in each congregation could read. They experienced the Bible corporately. Paul exhorts Timothy in 1 Tim 4:13, “Devote yourself to the public reading of scripture.” Hearing the Bible read aloud without commentary is simple yet very powerful. Furthermore, it is a great alternative for those of us who hate reading, didn’t like school, or have large blocks of time that are not under our control.
As I ploughed through the New Testament, some days I read 4 or even 6 books. The same was true when I read the minor prophets. This experience simply wasn’t available to the early Christians. The earliest Christians simply had Jewish scrolls like the book of Isaiah with all its prophecies of the Christ. Once Paul and the other apostles started writing their letters, the lucky churches had 10-20% of the New Testament. Then they got smart and started copying the epistles and gospels en masse, ultimately resulting in the >5,000 Greek manuscripts that have been found to date. When I pick up a $1 paperback Bible from a thrift store, I don’t usually think about the incredible treasure trove that it contains! Every person today has access to the Bible, and they would have been the envy of every single one of the early Christians.
I don’t know what’s next for me. Right now I feel strongly motivated to keep working on my own Bible reading program that can make the Bible accessible to everyone. I’m also considering the possibility of developing a “Bible P90x” program of spiritual fitness for disciples. We don’t have to go to China or be in campus to push ourselves spiritually!
God’s Word is truly amazing. It endures because it is indeed “living and active” (Hebrews 4:12). No one has ever fully plumbed the depths of the Bible. Every time you read it, the Holy Spirit rewards you with the gift of a new insight! None of us has ever seen God or even Jesus, but the Bible in our hands reveals more about God than we could ever dare ask!
In Jay Kelly’s 2006 New Year’s kickoff sermon, he shared his goal of reading the Bible in a year. Inspired by the idea, I chose a four-track reading program and off I went… for about eight months. I hit the major prophets and just couldn’t finish. Doing the same thing for my Quiet TIme every single day just didn’t work for me.
In 2007 I tried again, this time recording the NIV Bible onto my MP3 player to keep things interesting, to stay awake (at times :-), and so I would end up with my own copy of the NIV Bible on MP3. I managed to last five months that time.
At that point I decided to develop my own read-the-Bible-in-a-year plan. My biggest reading hangups were Leviticus, Psalms, and the major prophets. At the same time, I felt like reading the Bible sequentially (like so many attempt to do) is counterproductive because the Jews and early Christians did really only had access to individual books of the Bible. My goal then (and I continue to work at it) is to create a program where people can naturally and topically read the whole Bible in a year. Subgoals include covering the Psalms and Proverbs along the way with relevant bite-sized chunks (e.g., scriptures about lying & deceit for the story about Namaan & Gehazi’s leprosy).
in 2009, knowing my past history, I found a program from somewhere with an accelerated schedule (90 days) rather than a full year. This seemed to be a good fit for me… 366 days later I managed to finish the Bible on 1/2/2010.
Yesterday I finished reading the Bible in exactly 90 days. How is that possible, you ask? It all started when I took my family over to Spokane for Tim DeWolfe and JoLynne Rawson’s wedding on Saturday afternoon. We stayed the night and on Sunday, we went to the great Spokane Christian Church for service. Jermaine Peacock preached a lesson preparing the entire congregation of >100 disciples to read the Bible in 90 days. It turns out that an organization (www.BibleIn90Days.org) provides materials to churches who want to take on this challenge en masse. These materials include special Bibles with the readings marked along with reading & discussion guides for midweek! The key idea is that all of us read books, and all you have to do is 12-16 pages of the Bible each day. I was so inspired that I came home and determined that if Jermaine’s 10-year-old could do it, I could too.
Let me share some things I learned from this reading project. First, I believe that much of the power of this program is in the corporate experience. The truth is that I did not receive that experience this summer. I sent out a general invitation for others in the Seattle church to join me, and a couple brothers & sisters in the North Shore took it on. However, we only reconnected every 4-6 weeks to see where each other were at in the reading.
A couple times I got to fellowship with one brother about our reading and it was those experiences that were by far the most valuable. The Bible in 90 days is sort of like the P90x exercise program. It’s intense and you feel closely bonded with your workout partner. It’s something you really can’t do by yourself.
My dream is that the Westside sector could all successfully do this program sometime in the next 18 months. To be honest, I think many of us are spiritually flabby and the discipline required to complete this program could prove immensely beneficial. Life in Seattle has a way of destroying any regularity in our times with God. Reading the Bible in 90 days is impossible without some sort of strategic plan, which I fear many of us lack. I enjoyed my time in Spokane last May, partly because life simply seemed less frantic and more measured. I’m fortunate in that my 60-minute bus ride each morning grants me a built-in block for my Quiet Time. But even if I lived next door to my work, I’d find a way to get some good time with God each day. If the Westside read the Bible like the disciples did on the original 1989 Seattle mission team, I think we would find our fellowship tremendously enriched and our fruitfulness would explode!
So what did I learn about the BIBLE during this experience? First of all, I learned that listening to the Bible is an essential aspect of experiencing it. I don’t think I would have made it through in 90 days if I hadn’t listened to the books of Isaiah and Jeremiah while biking to work. Hearing the word of God is different than reading it. In the first century, only a few people in each congregation could read. They experienced the Bible corporately. Paul exhorts Timothy in 1 Tim 4:13, “Devote yourself to the public reading of scripture.” Hearing the Bible read aloud without commentary is simple yet very powerful. Furthermore, it is a great alternative for those of us who hate reading, didn’t like school, or have large blocks of time that are not under our control.
As I ploughed through the New Testament, some days I read 4 or even 6 books. The same was true when I read the minor prophets. This experience simply wasn’t available to the early Christians. The earliest Christians simply had Jewish scrolls like the book of Isaiah with all its prophecies of the Christ. Once Paul and the other apostles started writing their letters, the lucky churches had 10-20% of the New Testament. Then they got smart and started copying the epistles and gospels en masse, ultimately resulting in the >5,000 Greek manuscripts that have been found to date. When I pick up a $1 paperback Bible from a thrift store, I don’t usually think about the incredible treasure trove that it contains! Every person today has access to the Bible, and they would have been the envy of every single one of the early Christians.
I don’t know what’s next for me. Right now I feel strongly motivated to keep working on my own Bible reading program that can make the Bible accessible to everyone. I’m also considering the possibility of developing a “Bible P90x” program of spiritual fitness for disciples. We don’t have to go to China or be in campus to push ourselves spiritually!
God’s Word is truly amazing. It endures because it is indeed “living and active” (Hebrews 4:12). No one has ever fully plumbed the depths of the Bible. Every time you read it, the Holy Spirit rewards you with the gift of a new insight! None of us has ever seen God or even Jesus, but the Bible in our hands reveals more about God than we could ever dare ask!
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Weeping may endure for a night...
I just wept... again. Today the court increased Miracle's visitations to four nights per week with her birth family. Since we've started dealing with the possibility of Miracle returning to her birth family, I have displaced most of the top 10 weeping experiences of my life. The only ones even in the running are maybe a relationship rejection, a couple people falling away from God, and a dysfunctional marriage situation in God's Kingdom.
Weeping is different than crying. When you cry, you're pretty much still in control. Tears usually come to me for good reasons: an inspiring song, listening to Sean Wooten describe Jesus coming back, a moving communion, pride over my kids.
When I weep, I'm not in control. Sometimes I wail. Sometimes I'm silent and the pain is too great for sound. When I see my kids hurt themselves, there is a period of silence before the wails and tears come. The longer the silence, the more it hurt. I wonder how God experiences my silent weeping.
The shortest verse in the Bible is "Jesus wept" (John 11:35). Lazarus had just died and he had stayed away for a couple days so that Lazarus was buried, in order to maximize the glory given to God when he was resurrected. Jesus visited Bethany and saw a multitude of people weeping with Mary and Martha, the deceased's sisters. In Jewish culture, weeping over death had been raised to an art form and cultural experience.
After seeing both Mary & Martha in the throes of grief and the multitude of people sharing their pain, Jesus inquires about the tomb's location. In the brief dialogue that follows, Jesus weeps and then is deeply moved once more. I wonder how it came across. Respectful and empathetic for their feelings? In John 11:36-37, the Jews have two responses, "See how he loved him?" and "Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?" I wonder if Jesus wept at their spiritual condition. Or maybe he was just showing that he truly missed Lazarus.
Jesus was fully God and fully human and very much in touch with his emotions. Surely he handled them appropriately.
Weeping is cathartic. It releases the tension and emotional intensity that I feel. I often feel better just for having gotten it out. But I know it doesn't fix anything. I wonder if Jesus wept in the few days prior, or whether he had built-up tension that he had to release before he performed one of his greatest miracles?
The miracle certainly moved many people forward spiritually. "Jesus called in a loud voice, 'Lazarus, come out!' The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face. Jesus said to them, 'Take off the grave clothes and let him go.' Therefore many of the Jews who had come to visit Mary, and had seen what Jesus did, put their faith in him." (John 11:43-45) I wonder if Jesus' emotional vulnerability had anything to do with it? I should think I could trust someone with incredible power over the grave if I saw that person had real emotions.
I felt I was surrendered to God this morning, knowing the court date was today and that things could very well change. I was not surprised when Casey told me that the visitations had increased by a day. Nonetheless, it turns out I had plenty of feelings about it. I'm not going to get angry and hopefully my emotions won't keep me from performing my role as a husband, dad, or employee. But it would be disingenuous of me to claim that I can function perfectly fine without addressing this change.
One of the greatest things about the Bible is how it ends. In Rev. 21:3-4 God promises, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."
There is hope for the future. Sometimes it feels like the wound will remain raw forever. It certainly takes emotional work and crying out to God to properly heal a deep wound. Tonight, I had no words to pray, but I started singing, "It's me, it's me, it's me O Lord, standing in the need of prayer" and before I knew it I was weeping. Jesus is the only physician who can really heal me.
One last promise about weeping is from the Old Testament. Ps. 30:5 states, "weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." Things look dark at times, but with God I can always hope for light around the corner. The Psalms are filled with emotions as the people of God in the past wrestled with their emotions and fought to rejoice and give their hearts to God.
2 Cor 4:17 offers more perspective: "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." My troubles now seem insurmountable at times. Tomorrow I will have to take one day at a time. But in the future when I see the face of God and stare out into eternity, I trust that my past troubles really will dissolve and fade from my memory into nothingness.
Weeping is different than crying. When you cry, you're pretty much still in control. Tears usually come to me for good reasons: an inspiring song, listening to Sean Wooten describe Jesus coming back, a moving communion, pride over my kids.
When I weep, I'm not in control. Sometimes I wail. Sometimes I'm silent and the pain is too great for sound. When I see my kids hurt themselves, there is a period of silence before the wails and tears come. The longer the silence, the more it hurt. I wonder how God experiences my silent weeping.
The shortest verse in the Bible is "Jesus wept" (John 11:35). Lazarus had just died and he had stayed away for a couple days so that Lazarus was buried, in order to maximize the glory given to God when he was resurrected. Jesus visited Bethany and saw a multitude of people weeping with Mary and Martha, the deceased's sisters. In Jewish culture, weeping over death had been raised to an art form and cultural experience.
After seeing both Mary & Martha in the throes of grief and the multitude of people sharing their pain, Jesus inquires about the tomb's location. In the brief dialogue that follows, Jesus weeps and then is deeply moved once more. I wonder how it came across. Respectful and empathetic for their feelings? In John 11:36-37, the Jews have two responses, "See how he loved him?" and "Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?" I wonder if Jesus wept at their spiritual condition. Or maybe he was just showing that he truly missed Lazarus.
Jesus was fully God and fully human and very much in touch with his emotions. Surely he handled them appropriately.
Weeping is cathartic. It releases the tension and emotional intensity that I feel. I often feel better just for having gotten it out. But I know it doesn't fix anything. I wonder if Jesus wept in the few days prior, or whether he had built-up tension that he had to release before he performed one of his greatest miracles?
The miracle certainly moved many people forward spiritually. "Jesus called in a loud voice, 'Lazarus, come out!' The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face. Jesus said to them, 'Take off the grave clothes and let him go.' Therefore many of the Jews who had come to visit Mary, and had seen what Jesus did, put their faith in him." (John 11:43-45) I wonder if Jesus' emotional vulnerability had anything to do with it? I should think I could trust someone with incredible power over the grave if I saw that person had real emotions.
I felt I was surrendered to God this morning, knowing the court date was today and that things could very well change. I was not surprised when Casey told me that the visitations had increased by a day. Nonetheless, it turns out I had plenty of feelings about it. I'm not going to get angry and hopefully my emotions won't keep me from performing my role as a husband, dad, or employee. But it would be disingenuous of me to claim that I can function perfectly fine without addressing this change.
One of the greatest things about the Bible is how it ends. In Rev. 21:3-4 God promises, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."
There is hope for the future. Sometimes it feels like the wound will remain raw forever. It certainly takes emotional work and crying out to God to properly heal a deep wound. Tonight, I had no words to pray, but I started singing, "It's me, it's me, it's me O Lord, standing in the need of prayer" and before I knew it I was weeping. Jesus is the only physician who can really heal me.
One last promise about weeping is from the Old Testament. Ps. 30:5 states, "weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." Things look dark at times, but with God I can always hope for light around the corner. The Psalms are filled with emotions as the people of God in the past wrestled with their emotions and fought to rejoice and give their hearts to God.
2 Cor 4:17 offers more perspective: "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." My troubles now seem insurmountable at times. Tomorrow I will have to take one day at a time. But in the future when I see the face of God and stare out into eternity, I trust that my past troubles really will dissolve and fade from my memory into nothingness.
Friday, June 4, 2010
The Emotional Rollercoaster
When we brought Miracle into our family, by faith Casey and I got on a rollercoaster whose highs and lows were not yet known (clearly, God spared us this initial knowledge :-). In order to adopt Miracle, we need a court trial to make her available for adoption. This trial has been postponed multiple times. Without it, Miracle will simply return to her birth family. The trial was scheduled for 6/7/2010, but was jeopardized in May by an unfavorable case review called the “FCAP.” However, on Thursday 5/27/2010, we found out that enough evidence had been found for the trial to move forward. This past week, God seemed to work very powerfully as attorneys lined up a variety of evidence and people to testify. However, this past Thursday (6/3/2010), the social worker emailed us that the supervisor of the entire region had reviewed Miracle’s case and postponed the trial until 11/15/2010. Meanwhile, the parents will receive two overnight visits each week and the opportunity to further strengthen their position to bring her to live with them.
Over the past 14 months, I have gone through a variety of spiritual and emotional wrestling matches and adjustments, but this news was probably the most severe so far since it followed a significant high. Part of me feels simply depressed and all I can do is quote appropriate scriptures to express my feelings. One in particular that comes to mind is Isaiah 37:1-4, emphasis added.
1When King Hezekiah heard this, he tore his clothes and put on sackcloth and went into the temple of the LORD. 2He sent Eliakim the palace administrator, Shebna the secretary, and the leading priests, all wearing sackcloth, to the prophet Isaiah son of Amoz. 3They told him, "This is what Hezekiah says: This day is a day of distress and rebuke and disgrace, as when children come to the point of birth and there is no strength to deliver them. 4It may be that the LORD your God will hear the words of the field commander, whom his master, the king of Assyria, has sent to ridicule the living God, and that he will rebuke him for the words the LORD your God has heard. Therefore pray for the remnant that still survives."
Intellectually, I trust that God has a plan through all of this, but emotionally I feel just like Hezekiah: we are so close and yet so far. We almost went to trial in Sept 2008 and again in June 2010, but it just hasn’t happened. The context for this passage is that the field commander of Assyria has come as a messenger of discouragement. Some of his taunts feel familiar to me. Earlier, Is. 36:4-7 reads
4The field commander said to them, "Tell Hezekiah, "'This is what the great king, the king of Assyria, says: On what are you basing this confidence of yours? 5You say you have strategy and military strength--but you speak only empty words. On whom are you depending, that you rebel against me? 6Look now, you are depending on Egypt, that splintered reed of a staff, which pierces a man's hand and wounds him if he leans on it! Such is Pharaoh king of Egypt to all who depend on him. 7And if you say to me, "We are depending on the LORD our God"--isn't he the one whose high places and altars Hezekiah removed, saying to Judah and Jerusalem, "You must worship before this altar"?
In my mind, I can feel the world ask, “On what are you relying? God? What good are your prayers? You’d be better off taking control of your destiny, getting a good lawyer, bribing the birth parents, or taking this situation to the media to force DCFS to do the right thing.” The world thinks God is a worthless crutch (Egypt) and that you’re better off being self-reliant.
The field commander misunderstood Hezekiah’s spiritual reforms, and I hear the same accusational misunderstanding in my mind. “How do you know God is leading you and answering your prayers? Why hasn’t he just fixed it already, if he exists? What if God wants to send Miracle back to her birth parents—aren’t you praying for the opposite of what he wants to do?” The world doesn’t understand that I’m in a loving give-and-take relationship with God, not a “gimme now Santa Claus” relationship.
In response to this second taunt, Job 2:9-10 springs to mind:
9His [Job's] wife said to him, "Are you still holding on to your integrity? Curse God and die!" 10He replied, "You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" In all this, Job did not sin in what he said.
I don’t know if I’m sinning by what I’m saying or writing. All I can do is pray and cling to God’s Word right now. Another passage that rings true for me is Acts 14:21-22:
21Then they [Paul & Barnabas] returned to Lystra, Iconium and Antioch, 22strengthening the disciples and encouraging them to remain true to the faith. "We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God," they said.
I can't claim that I lead a difficult life compared to many in this world. However, this is the biggest hardship that I have ever faced. In a sense I already entered God's Kingdom when I was baptized, but in another sense I have not yet finished the race and have not yet reached heaven. Paul & Barnabas understood that we all will face challenges in this life that can cause us to fall away from God. They strengthened the disciples and reminded them that they would go through many hardships, but ultimately they would enter the Kingdom of God and receive the gift of eternal life.
The main thing I’ve learned so far from all these ups and downs is that I need to pray that everything that happens is exactly the way God wants it to happen. This is the very essence of the Lord's prayer: "thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven." Then I can trust that everything is meant to be and accept it. Without this prayer, I worry that there is something more I could have done or that I ought to be doing. With this prayer in mind, I can trust God and have half a chance of making sense of the ongoing saga of which we are a part.
I also try to align my thoughts with Hebrews 12:7-11, but with only partial success and with great difficulty. The scripture rings absolutely true, however—this discipline is absolutely NOT pleasant right now! I can only cling to the hope for holiness and ultimately a character that is more like Jesus.
7Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? 8If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. 9Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! 10Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. 11No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
Heb 11-12 reminds me of the spiritual reality that in heaven I have a personal cheering section. Life feels very tough right now and this vision of all the saints (see also Rev. 6:9-11) encourages my soul and gives me courage. I know I do not truly suffer compared to my brothers and sisters in China or the Middle East or the great martyrs in the first century. If they made it by God’s grace, I can too!
1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
Perseverance is what I need, so I shall fix my eyes on Jesus and keep on running.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
My God is Bigger than the US Government
In a recent email of encouragement, Lynne Green reminded me that “God is bigger than the government.” Intellectually, it’s easy for me to dismissively agree, “but of course.” Then I started to think about how big the US government really is and my faith started to grow.
According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the US govt is the country’s largest employer at about 2.0 million employees, not including the postal service. There are 652,000 people alone listed under the department of Defense. However, this total apparently does NOT include the US armed forces since wikipedia topic “United States armed forces” lists 1.45 million troops on active duty and 848,000 troops in reserve. These troops are considered the most powerful military force in the world and retain access to over 10,000 nuclear warheads. Adding up these numbers (2.0+1.45) gives almost 3.5 million people serving their country.
That is the people total. In terms of dollars, the government spent $3.52 trillion in 2009 (with an income of $2.1 trillion). In terms of gross domestic product, the $3.52 trillion number is the 4th largest in the world behind the US, Japan, and China. As the top executive of the US government with such a wealth of people, money, and military resources, the US president is generally considered the most powerful man in the world (for good reason).
How does God view the government? I found the following scriptures helpful for me as I consider our situation with Miracle and the powerful access I have to God through prayer.
Isaiah 40:15-18
Surely the nations are like a drop in a bucket; they are regarded as dust on the scales; he weighs the islands as though they were fine dust.... Before him all the nations are as nothing; they are regarded by him as worthless and less than nothing. To whom, then, will you compare God?
God plays a much bigger game than the US government. He straight up created the universe and keeps it running! For one thing, the ball of fire he placed in our sky generates a phenomenal amount of energy. According to wikipedia "solar energy", in 2002, the earth received more energy from the sun in one hour than the world used in one year (with fossil fuels, etc). Our sun is only one of a billion billion (10^18) stars in the universe.
God certainly has the resources to take care of little old me!
Isaiah 40:22-26
He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth, and its people are like grasshoppers. He stretches out the heavens like a canopy, and spreads them out like a tent to live in. He brings princes to naught and reduces the rulers of this world to nothing. No sooner are they planted, no sooner are they sown, no sooner do they take root in the ground, than he blows on them and they wither, and a whirlwind sweeps them away like chaff. "To whom will you compare me? Or who is my equal?" says the Holy One. Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing.
Job 12:23. He makes nations great, and destroys them; he enlarges nations, and disperses them.
Job 36:31. This is the way he governs the nations and provides food in abundance.
Psalm 2:1. Why do the nations conspire and the peoples plot in vain?
Psalm 22:27. All the ends of the earth will remember and turn to the LORD, and all the families of the nations will bow down before him, for dominion belongs to the LORD and he rules over the nations.
Psalm 33:10. The LORD foils the plans of the nations; he thwarts the purposes of the peoples.
Psalm 46:10. "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
Psalm 47:8-9. God reigns over the nations; God is seated on his holy throne. The nobles of the nations assemble as the people of the God of Abraham, for the kings of the earth belong to God; he is greatly exalted.
Psalm 59:8. But you, O LORD, laugh at them; you scoff at all those nations.
Psalm 67:4. May the nations be glad and sing for joy, for you rule the peoples justly and guide the nations of the earth.
Psalm 72:11. All kings will bow down to him and all nations will serve him.
Psalm 86:9. All the nations you have made will come and worship before you, O Lord; they will bring glory to your name.
Psalm 94:10. Does he who disciplines nations not punish? Does he who teaches man lack knowledge?
Isaiah 63:6. I trampled the nations in my anger; in my wrath I made them drunk and poured their blood on the ground."
Ezekiel 38:23. And so I will show my greatness and my holiness, and I will make myself known in the sight of many nations. Then they will know that I am the LORD.'
Ezekiel 39:21. "I will display my glory among the nations, and all the nations will see the punishment I inflict and the hand I lay upon them.
Revelation 15:4. Who will not fear you, O Lord, and bring glory to your name? For you alone are holy. All nations will come and worship before you, for your righteous acts have been revealed."
A Real Government
The wonderful thing is that I get to be part of the kingdom that Jesus established that will never go away.
Daniel 7:14
He was given authority, glory and sovereign power; all peoples, nations and men of every language worshiped him. His dominion is an everlasting dominion that will not pass away, and his kingdom is one that will never be destroyed.
Rev 5:6-10
Then I saw a Lamb, looking as if it had been slain, standing in the center of the throne, encircled by the four living creatures and the elders. He had seven horns and seven eyes, which are the seven spirits[a] of God sent out into all the earth. He came and took the scroll from the right hand of him who sat on the throne. And when he had taken it, the four living creatures and the twenty-four elders fell down before the Lamb. Each one had a harp and they were holding golden bowls full of incense, which are the prayers of the saints. And they sang a new song: "You are worthy to take the scroll and to open its seals, because you were slain, and with your blood you purchased men for God from every tribe and language and people and nation. You have made them to be a kingdom and priests to serve our God, and they will reign on the earth."
Rev 19:11-16
I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True. With justice he judges and makes war. His eyes are like blazing fire, and on his head are many crowns. He has a name written on him that no one knows but he himself. He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood, and his name is the Word of God. The armies of heaven were following him, riding on white horses and dressed in fine linen, white and clean. Out of his mouth comes a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations. "He will rule them with an iron scepter."[a] He treads the winepress of the fury of the wrath of God Almighty. On his robe and on his thigh he has this name written: "KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS."
Rev 21:22-27
I did not see a temple in the city, because the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are its temple. 23The city does not need the sun or the moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and the Lamb is its lamp. 24The nations will walk by its light, and the kings of the earth will bring their splendor into it. 25On no day will its gates ever be shut, for there will be no night there. 26The glory and honor of the nations will be brought into it. 27Nothing impure will ever enter it, nor will anyone who does what is shameful or deceitful, but only those whose names are written in the Lamb's book of life.
According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the US govt is the country’s largest employer at about 2.0 million employees, not including the postal service. There are 652,000 people alone listed under the department of Defense. However, this total apparently does NOT include the US armed forces since wikipedia topic “United States armed forces” lists 1.45 million troops on active duty and 848,000 troops in reserve. These troops are considered the most powerful military force in the world and retain access to over 10,000 nuclear warheads. Adding up these numbers (2.0+1.45) gives almost 3.5 million people serving their country.
That is the people total. In terms of dollars, the government spent $3.52 trillion in 2009 (with an income of $2.1 trillion). In terms of gross domestic product, the $3.52 trillion number is the 4th largest in the world behind the US, Japan, and China. As the top executive of the US government with such a wealth of people, money, and military resources, the US president is generally considered the most powerful man in the world (for good reason).
How does God view the government? I found the following scriptures helpful for me as I consider our situation with Miracle and the powerful access I have to God through prayer.
Isaiah 40:15-18
Surely the nations are like a drop in a bucket; they are regarded as dust on the scales; he weighs the islands as though they were fine dust.... Before him all the nations are as nothing; they are regarded by him as worthless and less than nothing. To whom, then, will you compare God?
God plays a much bigger game than the US government. He straight up created the universe and keeps it running! For one thing, the ball of fire he placed in our sky generates a phenomenal amount of energy. According to wikipedia "solar energy", in 2002, the earth received more energy from the sun in one hour than the world used in one year (with fossil fuels, etc). Our sun is only one of a billion billion (10^18) stars in the universe.
God certainly has the resources to take care of little old me!
Isaiah 40:22-26
He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth, and its people are like grasshoppers. He stretches out the heavens like a canopy, and spreads them out like a tent to live in. He brings princes to naught and reduces the rulers of this world to nothing. No sooner are they planted, no sooner are they sown, no sooner do they take root in the ground, than he blows on them and they wither, and a whirlwind sweeps them away like chaff. "To whom will you compare me? Or who is my equal?" says the Holy One. Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing.
Job 12:23. He makes nations great, and destroys them; he enlarges nations, and disperses them.
Job 36:31. This is the way he governs the nations and provides food in abundance.
Psalm 2:1. Why do the nations conspire and the peoples plot in vain?
Psalm 22:27. All the ends of the earth will remember and turn to the LORD, and all the families of the nations will bow down before him, for dominion belongs to the LORD and he rules over the nations.
Psalm 33:10. The LORD foils the plans of the nations; he thwarts the purposes of the peoples.
Psalm 46:10. "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
Psalm 47:8-9. God reigns over the nations; God is seated on his holy throne. The nobles of the nations assemble as the people of the God of Abraham, for the kings of the earth belong to God; he is greatly exalted.
Psalm 59:8. But you, O LORD, laugh at them; you scoff at all those nations.
Psalm 67:4. May the nations be glad and sing for joy, for you rule the peoples justly and guide the nations of the earth.
Psalm 72:11. All kings will bow down to him and all nations will serve him.
Psalm 86:9. All the nations you have made will come and worship before you, O Lord; they will bring glory to your name.
Psalm 94:10. Does he who disciplines nations not punish? Does he who teaches man lack knowledge?
Isaiah 63:6. I trampled the nations in my anger; in my wrath I made them drunk and poured their blood on the ground."
Ezekiel 38:23. And so I will show my greatness and my holiness, and I will make myself known in the sight of many nations. Then they will know that I am the LORD.'
Ezekiel 39:21. "I will display my glory among the nations, and all the nations will see the punishment I inflict and the hand I lay upon them.
Revelation 15:4. Who will not fear you, O Lord, and bring glory to your name? For you alone are holy. All nations will come and worship before you, for your righteous acts have been revealed."
A Real Government
The wonderful thing is that I get to be part of the kingdom that Jesus established that will never go away.
Daniel 7:14
He was given authority, glory and sovereign power; all peoples, nations and men of every language worshiped him. His dominion is an everlasting dominion that will not pass away, and his kingdom is one that will never be destroyed.
Rev 5:6-10
Then I saw a Lamb, looking as if it had been slain, standing in the center of the throne, encircled by the four living creatures and the elders. He had seven horns and seven eyes, which are the seven spirits[a] of God sent out into all the earth. He came and took the scroll from the right hand of him who sat on the throne. And when he had taken it, the four living creatures and the twenty-four elders fell down before the Lamb. Each one had a harp and they were holding golden bowls full of incense, which are the prayers of the saints. And they sang a new song: "You are worthy to take the scroll and to open its seals, because you were slain, and with your blood you purchased men for God from every tribe and language and people and nation. You have made them to be a kingdom and priests to serve our God, and they will reign on the earth."
Rev 19:11-16
I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True. With justice he judges and makes war. His eyes are like blazing fire, and on his head are many crowns. He has a name written on him that no one knows but he himself. He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood, and his name is the Word of God. The armies of heaven were following him, riding on white horses and dressed in fine linen, white and clean. Out of his mouth comes a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations. "He will rule them with an iron scepter."[a] He treads the winepress of the fury of the wrath of God Almighty. On his robe and on his thigh he has this name written: "KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS."
Rev 21:22-27
I did not see a temple in the city, because the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are its temple. 23The city does not need the sun or the moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and the Lamb is its lamp. 24The nations will walk by its light, and the kings of the earth will bring their splendor into it. 25On no day will its gates ever be shut, for there will be no night there. 26The glory and honor of the nations will be brought into it. 27Nothing impure will ever enter it, nor will anyone who does what is shameful or deceitful, but only those whose names are written in the Lamb's book of life.
Monday, May 10, 2010
The 3 strands
According to this web site, nearly 40% of children in the USA are born into unmarried family situations. This statistic is tremendously sad on a multitude of levels. The most obvious conclusion is that marriage is not valued by our society.
For some reason, Mother’s Day weekend was very challenging for me as a father. At several points, I became weary of chasing children and constantly regulating their behavior. The real issue was that I was not tapping into God’s power and trying to do it on my own. I got grumpy and effectively kept a record of wrongs by not giving my kids a fresh, happy start from Dad when they apologized and repented for what seemed like the 489th time :-) (see Matt 18:21-22, which I even read in my QT that morning!).
Luckily for me, I have a spiritual wife who jumped in on multiple occasions when I was losing it. She was joyful and happy with the girls to motivate them to continue with their repentance. She called me on my grumpiness and tried to joke me out of it. And luckily for me I had brothers and sisters at the Portland International Church of Christ to encourage me with the Word of God and their experiences of struggle and victory.
Thankfully my attitude got better on Sunday afternoon as I trusted in God to make things ok, even as we were really late for church on Sunday despite my best efforts. Later on Sunday as we drove from Portland back to Seattle in separate cars (we brought my in-laws’ truck back for them), my wife was the one who needed help as she started to fall asleep on the road. God answered our prayers, getting us back at 10pm after a multitude of stops for various needs.
Looking back at these experiences, I am reminded of several scriptures:
1 Cor. 12:21. The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don't need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don't need you!”
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12.
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
In particular, the last scripture is abundantly clear for me as I watched my sister & brother-in-law team up to care for their six-month-old son. Casey & I went through the same see-saw action with Jade and even more so now with three kids. Without a husband or wife to help you, how on earth can someone imagine they can meet even just the physical needs of a child, much less their mental, emotional, and spiritual needs?
I am so grateful for the Kingdom of God providing a village to raise my children. And I am so grateful to God for being that “third strand” of the rope that cannot be broken. It is very evident to me that I cannot make it without my God. I have an incredible wife, a great job with a supportive boss, and very loving physical and spiritual families. But without God, I am nothing. I might as well give up now and live a hedonistic lifestyle. Life is simply too difficult and not even worth it without God.
Psalms 73:25 states it precisely, “Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you.”
Praise God for all three strands in the cord of Eccl. 4. I could not do what I do without the other two strands. In fact, sometimes I think the other two strands can even heal a broken one… but that’s a whole ‘nuther discussion.
For some reason, Mother’s Day weekend was very challenging for me as a father. At several points, I became weary of chasing children and constantly regulating their behavior. The real issue was that I was not tapping into God’s power and trying to do it on my own. I got grumpy and effectively kept a record of wrongs by not giving my kids a fresh, happy start from Dad when they apologized and repented for what seemed like the 489th time :-) (see Matt 18:21-22, which I even read in my QT that morning!).
Luckily for me, I have a spiritual wife who jumped in on multiple occasions when I was losing it. She was joyful and happy with the girls to motivate them to continue with their repentance. She called me on my grumpiness and tried to joke me out of it. And luckily for me I had brothers and sisters at the Portland International Church of Christ to encourage me with the Word of God and their experiences of struggle and victory.
Thankfully my attitude got better on Sunday afternoon as I trusted in God to make things ok, even as we were really late for church on Sunday despite my best efforts. Later on Sunday as we drove from Portland back to Seattle in separate cars (we brought my in-laws’ truck back for them), my wife was the one who needed help as she started to fall asleep on the road. God answered our prayers, getting us back at 10pm after a multitude of stops for various needs.
Looking back at these experiences, I am reminded of several scriptures:
1 Cor. 12:21. The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don't need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don't need you!”
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12.
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
In particular, the last scripture is abundantly clear for me as I watched my sister & brother-in-law team up to care for their six-month-old son. Casey & I went through the same see-saw action with Jade and even more so now with three kids. Without a husband or wife to help you, how on earth can someone imagine they can meet even just the physical needs of a child, much less their mental, emotional, and spiritual needs?
I am so grateful for the Kingdom of God providing a village to raise my children. And I am so grateful to God for being that “third strand” of the rope that cannot be broken. It is very evident to me that I cannot make it without my God. I have an incredible wife, a great job with a supportive boss, and very loving physical and spiritual families. But without God, I am nothing. I might as well give up now and live a hedonistic lifestyle. Life is simply too difficult and not even worth it without God.
Psalms 73:25 states it precisely, “Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you.”
Praise God for all three strands in the cord of Eccl. 4. I could not do what I do without the other two strands. In fact, sometimes I think the other two strands can even heal a broken one… but that’s a whole ‘nuther discussion.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Are you ready for Easter?
It's been nearly three months since I last posted and the writing bug has finally struck. I'm leading a Kids' Kingdom class for 3rd & 4th graders and want to make sure that they're thinking about Easter more than just on April 4.
I didn't grow up with all the secular hoopla surrounding Easter. Some might consider my family "Easter Scrooges" ;-). No egg hunts, basket of little presents, or Halloween-equivalent candy troves. When I see what my grandkids get from their Bapa & Mema, I feel gipped! Just kidding, Mom & Dad! It's my job as a parent to make sure that when my kids hear the word "Easter," the first thing they think of is Jesus Christ, the Messiah of God--brutally crucified and powerfully resurrected by Almighty God. It's difficult to describe how badly I want them to "get it."
But they'll never get it unless I get it. I want my heart ready for Easter. Is yours ready?
My first Easter as a disciple took on much more significance for me than it had when I was growing up going to church each week. I had finally made both an emotional and intellectual connection between the suffering Jesus underwent and my sin. I also discovered that the Catholic ritual of Lent and Holy Week had more substance than I had realized. Considering the events in Jesus' last week of his life added a great deal more meaning and texture to Easter.
To this day, Palm Sunday continues to mystify me. Jesus made a conscious decision to fulfill Zech 9:9, which states, "Rejoice greatly, O Daughter of Zion! Shout, Daughter of Jerusalem! See, your king comes to you, righteous and having salvation, gentle and riding on a donkey, on a colt, the foal of a donkey." What a tremendous celebration and high for the disciples, who must have felt like conquering heroes! Yet Jesus knew enough to not get completely carried away; he stopped weep over Jerusalem. And how quickly the tide of popularity turns! Less than two weeks later, Jesus was rejected by the crowd, who asked Pilate to release Barabbas and crucify Jesus.
For me, Good Friday is really where it's at. That is where Jesus fulfilled his lifelong mission--to become the Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world. None of the rest of us could have done it. For one, none of us have enough courage. Imagine knowing for nearly three years how you were going to die? Jesus must have walked by crucified criminals at various points in his ministry. He knew exactly what it would be like when he begged God, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me." The astounding part is the second part of the prayer, "Yet not as I will, but as you will."
Secondly, none of us can save ourselves. I think the band Stabbing Westward captured that sentiment of hopelessness pretty accurately in their song, "Save Yourself." I don't believe swearing is right, but they just seem to fit and be very apropos here. The problem is that most of us are pretty out of touch with our need for a Savior. Those of us who battle depression experience that need for salvation from ourselves. But the need for salvation from our sin so much greater.
Today's culture and pop psychology is all about telling me that I'm already ok and propping me up. That isn't what I think I need to hear this time of year. For me, I feel like God fills me with the power of the resurrection 364 days a year. As a disciple who has been connected with Jesus' death and resurrection and been freed from slavery to sin (Rom 6:1-7), I enjoy a magical and free life.
It is good for me to consider and live in Good Friday for the next week or so. Without it, Easter morning makes no sense. "Behold the Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world" (John 1:29).
I didn't grow up with all the secular hoopla surrounding Easter. Some might consider my family "Easter Scrooges" ;-). No egg hunts, basket of little presents, or Halloween-equivalent candy troves. When I see what my grandkids get from their Bapa & Mema, I feel gipped! Just kidding, Mom & Dad! It's my job as a parent to make sure that when my kids hear the word "Easter," the first thing they think of is Jesus Christ, the Messiah of God--brutally crucified and powerfully resurrected by Almighty God. It's difficult to describe how badly I want them to "get it."
But they'll never get it unless I get it. I want my heart ready for Easter. Is yours ready?
My first Easter as a disciple took on much more significance for me than it had when I was growing up going to church each week. I had finally made both an emotional and intellectual connection between the suffering Jesus underwent and my sin. I also discovered that the Catholic ritual of Lent and Holy Week had more substance than I had realized. Considering the events in Jesus' last week of his life added a great deal more meaning and texture to Easter.
To this day, Palm Sunday continues to mystify me. Jesus made a conscious decision to fulfill Zech 9:9, which states, "Rejoice greatly, O Daughter of Zion! Shout, Daughter of Jerusalem! See, your king comes to you, righteous and having salvation, gentle and riding on a donkey, on a colt, the foal of a donkey." What a tremendous celebration and high for the disciples, who must have felt like conquering heroes! Yet Jesus knew enough to not get completely carried away; he stopped weep over Jerusalem. And how quickly the tide of popularity turns! Less than two weeks later, Jesus was rejected by the crowd, who asked Pilate to release Barabbas and crucify Jesus.
For me, Good Friday is really where it's at. That is where Jesus fulfilled his lifelong mission--to become the Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world. None of the rest of us could have done it. For one, none of us have enough courage. Imagine knowing for nearly three years how you were going to die? Jesus must have walked by crucified criminals at various points in his ministry. He knew exactly what it would be like when he begged God, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me." The astounding part is the second part of the prayer, "Yet not as I will, but as you will."
Secondly, none of us can save ourselves. I think the band Stabbing Westward captured that sentiment of hopelessness pretty accurately in their song, "Save Yourself." I don't believe swearing is right, but they just seem to fit and be very apropos here. The problem is that most of us are pretty out of touch with our need for a Savior. Those of us who battle depression experience that need for salvation from ourselves. But the need for salvation from our sin so much greater.
Today's culture and pop psychology is all about telling me that I'm already ok and propping me up. That isn't what I think I need to hear this time of year. For me, I feel like God fills me with the power of the resurrection 364 days a year. As a disciple who has been connected with Jesus' death and resurrection and been freed from slavery to sin (Rom 6:1-7), I enjoy a magical and free life.
It is good for me to consider and live in Good Friday for the next week or so. Without it, Easter morning makes no sense. "Behold the Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world" (John 1:29).
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Guidance
The topic of "guidance" seemed very appropriate for the new year, so I looked up "guid" on BibleGateway.com.
Exodus 13:21
By day the LORD went ahead of them in a pillar of cloud to guide them on their way and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so that they could travel by day or night.
Exodus 15:13
"In your unfailing love you will lead the people you have redeemed. In your strength you will guide them to your holy dwelling.
1 Chronicles 10:13
Saul died because he was unfaithful to the LORD; he did not keep the word of the LORD and even consulted a medium for guidance,
Psalm 23:3
he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Psalm 25:5
guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.
Psalm 25:9
He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way.
Psalm 31:3
Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me.
Psalm 43:3
Send forth your light and your truth, let them guide me; let them bring me to your holy mountain, to the place where you dwell.
Psalm 48:14
For this God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end.
Psalm 67:4
May the nations be glad and sing for joy, for you rule the peoples justly and guide the nations of the earth. Selah
Psalm 73:24
You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.
Psalm 78:14
He guided them with the cloud by day and with light from the fire all night.
Psalm 78:53
He guided them safely, so they were unafraid; but the sea engulfed their enemies.
Psalm 107:30
They were glad when it grew calm, and he guided them to their desired haven.
Psalm 139:10
even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
Proverbs 1:5
let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance-
Proverbs 4:11
I guide you in the way of wisdom and lead you along straight paths.
Proverbs 6:22
When you walk, they will guide you; when you sleep, they will watch over you; when you awake, they will speak to you.
Proverbs 11:3
The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.
Proverbs 11:14
For lack of guidance a nation falls, but many advisers make victory sure.
Proverbs 16:23
A wise man's heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction.
Proverbs 20:18
Make plans by seeking advice; if you wage war, obtain guidance.
Proverbs 24:6
for waging war you need guidance, and for victory many advisers.
Isaiah 42:16
I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.
Isaiah 49:10
They will neither hunger nor thirst, nor will the desert heat or the sun beat upon them. He who has compassion on them will guide them and lead them beside springs of water.
Isaiah 58:11
The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.
Habakkuk 2:19
Woe to him who says to wood, 'Come to life!' Or to lifeless stone, 'Wake up!' Can it give guidance? It is covered with gold and silver; there is no breath in it.
Matthew 15:14
Leave them; they are blind guides. If a blind man leads a blind man, both will fall into a pit."
Luke 1:79
to shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of peace."
John 16:13
But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come.
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